For those tears I died

It is only one day until I am 41. In other words I am 14,975 days old today counting the leap years and I am in this strange place once again. One of my favorite things is to go to http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ . It is a site where people write their deepest secrets anomalously. Most times it makes me so sad that it aches inside my heart. So much so, that I cry out to God, why? I can see so many lost people through the eyes of Jesus and I can feel it when I sense tears in His eyes.

We are so shielded here in our suburban lives. Here are just a taste of what is crying out of the darkness.

I want to get raped, because i want to be a teen mom.

I want to be more passionate in God, but I dont know how to be

I wish I could believe in God.

whenever im drunk, im happier because i dont remember all my problems. im only 15.

Please, God, Buddha, Allah, whoever you are... don't let me die alone.

Sometimes I doubt things will ever go well for me since my life has been nothing but hard. God has failed me, and I am pretty certain he will fail me too.

My attempt on my life in January was not the first time. I just had the guts to carry it through the second time. But now, the meds don't and aren't helping me, they just give me a mask.

i'm afraid there is no God and everyithing i have believed in is a lie

I turned my back on Christianity after leukemia killed my grandmother and my uncle in the same year and found out that cancer is genetic in Mum's side of the family.

my dad abused me from the day i was born up until the month before i turned 18

i will never love or believe "your God".

I hear voices telling me to hurt myself, and because of it, I've attempted suicide twice. I've been cutting myself since I was 12

I think my biggest fear at the end of my life, is that I will feel like God would regret letting me be born

I replace the pain with: drugs, sex, alcohol, and music

I wish I could give my life to someone who could really use it, I feel more and more that I am wasting it, and that I was a mistake in God's plan, that somehow I fell through the cracks and he has forgotten about me. I just want to figure out why I am here, do it as soon as possible, so I can leave.

I can't let anyone see who I really am, it is too painful

I'm praying to someone's god that no one I know sees this.

And Jesus said
Come to the water,
Stand by my side
I know you are thirsty
You won't be denied
I felt every tear drop
As in darkness you cried
And I strove to remind you
That for those tears I died

Let us be the hand the reaches into the dark and grab a hand to pull it into the light.